I slept in and damned near missed my Doctor’s appointment. I tried to ask him direct questions but I am still shifty or aggressive after all of these years and not averse to dodginess if it will win my case for me. SKUZ – they called me in 1/2 way at Bondi in 1987/88 and SKUZ – I seem to remain. Anyway I did the best I could at being upfront without being aggressive. He has written me a letter for all Emergency Departments. I have not even read it.
I also picked up the mail waiting at the Den. She contacted me last night and there was the Worm . It was easier to identify when I don’t live there.
“There is a letter for you. Hope its not a bill. “
I said clearly. “It won’t be a bill. ”
Living there let loose the Worm of Addictive thinking with which she is tortured but I don’t have to live with it anymore.
So I spoke with the Doc and brought up sepsis with him. I don’t think I got far but I tried. And one never knows with him because he is a thinker.
I was clear headed today and able to drive well and so I took myself out of town and got shots of the Valley.
This is our Valley from the Bowraville Road.
I even went walking around the shops. A little lost in my head and unable to purchase but nonetheless – I was out there. My breathing remains eased and the weakness reduced although I had an energy drop and pass out this afternoon. I just got water and sugar into me and managed to get to bed and lie down and I am OK now.
Tomorrow is my 68th birthday. There was a gift here from Arkue when I came home and Kaybee has dinner planned. Things are so much better between us now. A bit like it once was before I became so needy, ill and shattered.
I seem to remain free of troubling thoughts and the stress is greatly eased. Some of it is distance from the events and some of it is having developed a lifestyle which works for me. Affordable. Attractive. Loved ones nearby. Some of it is Acceptance of things exactly as they are and of me as I am. That even includes this minimum of Meetings. I do not wish to engage in fractious activities – at all.
I set out quite consciously on the Road of Grieving. I had markers and landmarks and a primitive map that I had from all the long years of Addiction Recovery. I knew it would be rough and I knew I might not make it and I certainly encountered things I did not even dream of but I do believe I have crossed the Void. I have made Landfall on a new Shore and I am recuperating and assimilating but I am well able to rest now. No Nutters in my life. No putting up with Sheer Lunacy or Distasteful People. For however long this lasts – I AM FREE ONCE MORE.
And here is our township. They have pulled out the big old Camphor Laurels. Why do they have to pull everything down ?